Saint Benedict Episcopal Church

Does your Christianity inform how you communicate? It’s a very interesting question. Our new Bishop, Greg Rickel, from his first day here communicated to the diocese a part of his agreement and much of it goes to how we communicate. Here are Greg’s ten rules for respect. They are so good, that both Lacey and I have decided to adopt these as well:

10 Rules for Respect

In every Letter of Agreement I have had with congregations, and now with the Diocese of Olympia I have asked that the "Rules for Respect" spelled out below be made part of the agreement. I first saw these in an article by Church of the Nazarene pastor Charles Christian. I think they are quite helpful in framing our communication and life together. I vow to do my best to follow them and invite you to do the same. We will all fail, but through gentle challenge and loving encouragement these can become a foundation for healthy communication for us all. Blessings to you!  Greg

1.   If you have a problem with me, come to me (privately).

2.   If I have a problem with you, I will come to you (privately).

3.   If someone has a problem with me and comes to you, send them to me.  (I'll do the same for you)

4.   If someone consistently will not come to me, say, "Let's go to Greg together.  I am sure he will see us about this."  (I will do the same for you.)

5.   Be careful how you interpret me-I'd rather do that.  On matters that are unclear, do not feel pressured to interpret my feelings or thoughts.  It is easy to misinterpret intentions. 

6.   I will be careful how I interpret you.

7.   If it's confidential, don't tell.  If you or anyone comes to me in confidence, I won't tell unless a) the person is going to harm himself/herself, b) the person is going to physically harm someone else, c) a child has been physically or sexually abused.  I expect the same from you.

8.   I do not read unsigned letters or notes.

9.   I do not manipulate; I will not be manipulated; do not let others manipulate you.  Do not let others manipulate me through you.  I will not preach "at you."  I will leave conviction to the Holy Spirit (she does it better anyway!)

10. When in doubt, just say it.  The only dumb questions are those that don't get asked.  Our relationships with one another, at the end of the day, are the most important things so if you have a concern, pray, and then (if led) speak up.  If I can answer it without misrepresenting something, someone, or breaking a confidence, I will.

Did you know that our Bishop’s Committee also has a Covenant by which we communicate with each other? Even our Wednesday morning group has a covenant that they abide by as well. All of this stuff about how we communicate with one another is so important. How is our behavior as a Christian people an embodiment of Jesus’ love? How do all of our words speak love? When we choose to live with a covenant for how we communicate or how we will behave as a group, we are making a promise to one another to create a safe trusting community. The power of being able to speak and being the crown of all creation carries with is an enormous responsibility.

Below are pieces of our Bishop’s Committee Covenant. This is a model of how we envision communication for all members of our community and hope you might find them helpful in your own life:

We listen to one another.

• Participating in discussion
• Using I statements rather than we and you
• Trusting Ambiguity
• Keeping Confidentiality

We support each other.

The power of our words is so real. I invite you, in the season of ordered time that ponders Pentecost’s birth of the church and the gift of speaking many languages, to think and ponder your own communication style. Benedict of Nursia talks about speaking and speech a great deal. One of my favorite phrases from the Rule of Benedict talks about Custody of the Tongue, which is using discernment of when to speak and when to be silent. 

In one reflection I’ve read on the Rule, this custody of the tongue is about speaking words from a place of respect and love. The author states that this is an absolute value for a Christian community—speaking the truth in love and whenever we choose to do this, we are respectful and come from a place of peace.In thinking about flaming tongues and the many languages of Pentecost, I come to a whole new image when I remember that part of my life as a Christian is to speak with custody of the tongue—respecting others, respecting silence and not using my words to hurt or hurl at others.                                          

A parishioner here at St Benedict gave to me the most wonderful words about living into our Baptismal faith. She said that with such great love comes great responsibility. I believe that this is part of our responsibility. 

Adam Naming the Animals from Genesis 2:19.